I've just finished reading 'Kisses from Katie' by Katie Davis with Beth Clark, the story of how Katie at 18 pursued the call of God on her life, moving to Uganda to minister and live out Jesus' instructions to take care of the poor, the widow and the orphan. She walked away from a life of material comfort and went against the tide of societal expectations to live out God's call on her life. She established a ministry that takes care of the needs of hundreds of children as well as being a mum to 13 adopted children.
As I started reading I felt like I could understand her. I saw reflected fragments of my own heart. When she describes falling in love with a Uganda, I recognised that feeling. When she talked about being wrecked by Jesus and the desire for more, to live and act as he calls us to do everyday, it resonates with my soul. When she described her frustration and discomfort with the wealth and abundance of stuff when she returned to America for a time, I was reminded that I have felt that. On one level, reading her story was encouraging for me as I sometimes feel quite alone as I wrestle with this stuff in my own heart and mind.
On the other hand I've found it challenging and I feel uncomfortable. For despite my heartfelt desire to act in obedience to God and to live out a genuine and biblical faith, I easily succumb to the patterns of the world, becoming comfortable with security and stuff, settling in to routines that don't require daily reliance on God and living selfishly instead of selflessly.
I want more.
More of His will in my life instead of my own plans.
More of His priorities instead of my own selfish desires.
More of His love, grace and mercy instead of my pride and comfort.
Lord, hear my prayer.